To Kill The King
by Maestus
Summary: Drabble, tag to 4x03, The Wicked Day. As he waits for Arthur to emerge from his mourning, Merlin considers all the mistakes he has made and the consequences of his actions. Merlin POV, some one-sided Merlin/Arthur. Two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a quick drabble of what I thought might have been going through Merlin's head at the end of episode three, the Wicked Day. Warnings for some one-sided Merlin/Arthur **

**Pretty please review! Reviews are the love that make the world go round!**

**Enjoy!**

**XXX Raven**

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><p><em>"I think I'll wait here."<em>

Gaius shoots him a doubtful gaze but says nothing, leaving him to stew outside the chamber. Unshed tears glitter in Merlin's eyes as he watches the physician leave and the memories of what he has done creep back to haunt him worse than any ghoul or Dorocha ever could. _He had killed the king_. He, Merlin, warlock, last Dragonlord, son of Balinor, had single-handedly murdered Uther Pendragon as he lay helpless before him, then fled from his sin. What kind of person does that make him?

_A liar, a stone-cold killer, a traitor_, his mind whispers to him and Merlin feels like putting his head in his hands and weeping openly. He has messed this up so badly, just as Gaius had warned, and has spoiled whatever chances he had ever had of convincing Arthur to accept magic as a force of good, all because of his own selfish reasons. Now, if anything, magic users were worse off, faced with a king who had lost not one but two parents to sorcerery, who would no longer hesitate to execute them for highest treason. He had wanted to be the one to say to Arthur _"I saved your father. I''m the one who's been protecting you all this time." _He wanted Arthur to actually see him, to look at him with respect and gratitude. He wanted Arthur to love him as he loved the prince.

But there wasn't a hope of that ever happening now; he had blown that with his failed attempt at healing. Stupid, stupid, _stupid!_ He should have known Morgana would have tried something, should have checked for any of her little gifts; the witch seemed to know everything after all. If he had then maybe he could have saved Uther, earned Arthur's trust, shown him all the wonders and beauty his powers held. But who was he kidding? There had never been a hope of that; he had blinded himself with his own foolish hopes. He was a servant and Arthur was a prince soon to be king and a tentative friendship was the furthest they could ever go.

"_You are a loyal friend," _Arthur tells him after exiting the chamber from his period of mourning.

_No, I'm not! _Merlin wants to scream. _I killed your father, I lie to you on a daily basis, I practise that which you have outlawed! I am a trickster and con artist and a deciever! I am a warlock, the very thing that you despise!_

But he holds his tongue and follows Arthur up the stairs, the weight of his apparent destiny crushing down upon his shoulders. After all, what is one more lie in this twisted game of his?


	2. Chapter 2

**As promised, here is the second part! Sorry for taking so long; I was waiting for the next episode before writing. I don't know about you lot but I enjoyed Aithusa, especially the parts with Merlin and Arthur in the bedroom...(; (Let's face, I think every slash-writing fan did!)**

**Anyway, I won't keep you any longer so here we go: the 2nd part of To Kill The King.**

**Your thoughts are welcomed and loved.**

**XXX Raven**

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><p>It isn't long before they've fallen back into their same old comfortable routine, Arthur appearing to have moved on from the death of his father and accepted his role as Camelot's new king. Merlin likes to think he's moved on as well; he's been telling himself over and over that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't to know Morgana had placed a cursed pendant on Uther, but he knows it isn't working. Uther's death is one guilt that's never going to fade and now he's got the death of Julius Borden to weigh down on him too. He had been so overjoyed at finding someone apparantly interested in preserving the dragons that he had blinded himself with his own dreams, the same as he had done whilst healing Uther, and now another man was dead, another taint on his already despairing conscience. Balinor, Lancelot, Uther, Borden...Why did everybody have to die because of him?<p>

_You've only made things worse,_ his mind reminded him silkily as he recalled how eager Arthur had been to destroy the egg, the egg that was now the beautiful Aithusa, the white dragon of hope. _Hope_, he thought bitterly, _how can I have hope?_ _My best friend believes magic is the work of the devil yet I'm supposed to forge some land of peace with him and did I mention that he's now the king and would have me executed on the spot if he knew what I was and what I can do?_

At first it had almost seemed like a blessing when Uther had died; finally magic's greatest adversary was gone. "_Checkmate!" _he had roared at the heavens but the heavens had simply smiled and shook their heads, whispering one word in return:

"_Stalemate,"_

And he had fallen to his knees and cried, the warlock trapped in the corner with nowhere to go, no one to turn to, caught in a cage of his own making. He had made his move and now was suffering the consequences, waiting for his opponent's doubtlessly fatal move.

Because that was what happened when you killed the king.


End file.
